Top 5 Reasons You Will Hate The Dark Knight

Raptor here with what's been of late a rare Friday post.

Well folks, it’s been done. I’ve finally gone to see a movie in a theater at 615 in the morning and a much oversized theater at that. Being typically last minute, McBane, Frost, Cups and I were unable to secure tickets for the 1201 showings, nor the shockingly sold out 315 showings. No the only showing of The Dark Knight open (in IMAX) this entire weekend was the 615 showing. So I broke a long standing covenant I had arbitrarily made to never under any circumstances enter a theater under the cover of dark and leave in the basking rays of the morning sun.

But was it worth it? Totally. How good was it? Immensely great. But I want to beat McBane to the hating punch, so I dug around and found some things that bothered me.

5. The annoying fan boy in the row behind you who throughout the entire movie keeps saying, “ You know Harvey Dent becomes Two Face”.

Yes. OK. We get it. I’m fairly certain that everyone who dragged there asses out of bed to get in line by 530 in the morning probably has a good general knowledge of the subject matter. Please just shut up so I can try and understand what Christian Bale is trying to say in his rasp whisper.

4. Maggie Gyllenhaal’s nude scenes were left on the cutting room floor.

So you replace the wry smiling Katie Holmes with the Secretary and leave out the naked? Is that legal?

I don’t know if there are any actually nude scenes with Mag’s in can somewhere, but really nudity makes any thing better. Wait, let me rephrase. Boobs make everything better. Except for Sandra Oh’s. (to recap: Secretary’s nudity-Good!, Dancing at the Blue Iguana’s nudity- Frowny Face)

3. Nolan let’s Shyamalan direct the films climax.

********Spoiler Alert*******

In the final showdown, Batman and the Joker stare at each other for 5 minutes uninterrupted before the Joker reveals he is in fact Bruce Wayne’s father.

*******End Spoiler*******

2. In his last full role before his death, Heath Ledger really mails it in.

His lack of will to live is visually contagious.

OK I admit those last two were lies. It’s hard to come up with stuff to hate about the movie, because it’s really pretty g--damn fucking good. It had to be to keep my rapt attention for 2+ hours when my body wanted to shutdown to sleep. But this last one is a total party foul.

1. Your “friend” makes you wait for him outside so he can get his ticket for 30 minutes, making you look like a bigger loser than all the people streaming in wearing bad Joker face paint.

Last night in the planning stage while I was ordering the tickets online, McBane was very adamant about showing up at 5 AM minimum to get in line. He reiterated more than once his firmness that I show up to pick up the tickets at or before 5 AM. That may sound repetitive, but it mirrors the conversation pretty much. Using context clues I gathered how important this was to him and show up promptly at 455 to pick up the tickets and proceed to wait on the front patio for 30 minutes.

Thanks Ass-hat.