Top 5 Ridiculous Purchases I’d Make First If I Won The Lottery

Raptor here, fighting crime in a future time.

Now everyone has there lottery shopping list somewhere, the things they’d do and buy with the winnings. Most are simple things like pay off debt of you and your family, buy a nice house, go on an old school Eurotrip, etc… That’s all good and all but you’re basically operating under the guise that the money wouldn’t corrupt you.

I have no such illusions. As a poor techie and a disillusioned ex-film student, there would be very little keeping me from going off the deep end and becoming a Mysterio-esque super villain if i found a little bit of funding.

But just because I’m rich and G Gordon Liddy crazy doesn’t mean I don’t operate on a budget. Here’s my list of things assuming that the winnings in the medium payout range of around 20 million.

5. Blink 182

Why I’d get it: Ok I’m not buying them, I’m just renting there services for the night. But in honor of my winning a massive amount of money don’t I have to throw a massive party ala Old School?

Why it’s ridiculous: Why do all my fantasies somehow reference Will Farrell movies?

4. Bumper Car Set and ball pit-

Why I’d get it: Because every home seems in complete without bumper cars. I’d put this right next to my ball pit. And unlike Michael’s Neverland Ranch children are not allowed in. No one is peeing or puking in my ball pit.

Why it’s ridiculous: I’d probably wind up drunk driving the bumper cars then staggering over and puking in the ball pit.

3. Fozi the Bear.

Why I’d get it: Not just your run of the mill Plush Fozi. Not just another 4 foot replica that I spent like 60 bucks on the coin drop game to earn tickets for. But a real life size usable Muppet. Something I’ve wanted for years. I’m saying right now I would immediately start going to children’s hospitals with this thing. You here that America? Me doing charity work, for kids. It goes against everything I stand for, but it’s the only application I could come up with that wouldn’t make me look completely bat shit insane (though there would be hours long rehearsals in front of mirrors).

Why it’s ridiculous: All my impersonations wind up sounding like Kermit, Donn Knotts, or Sean Connery.


2. A SuperBowl Ad.

Why it’s Awesome- Because I’m awesome. And really that message needs to get out.
Do I have any idea of what I would put on this ad? How about 30 seconds of me getting up in the morning? Or me talking to the camera while peeing? Really I just want to be the first rich person to be ostentatious enough to do something like this.

Why it’s ridiculous?- I can’t come up with one


1.Isla Rancheria

Why I’d get it: Who doesn’t want there own island. You could get away from it all, all of your worries, hassles, authorities, and extradition laws.

Why it’s ridiculous: So many reasons why me with my own island would be bad. First there’d be the inaugural Deadliest Game games starring McBane as the hunted. Then there would probably be the inevitable declaration of independence and succession from panama leading to an inevitable fight with some 3rd generation Noriega. I’d also be tempted to populate the place with midget’s living in hillside dugout homes.