Top 5 Anger Inducing Movies

Raptor here, vowing to try harder not to leave you only with the verbal diarrhea that are McBane rants and listings. You know you missed me. All 2 of you.

I’m returning to my roots here with this list, delving into the heart of film. More specifically I’m looking at things that make a movie bad vs. a movie that just pisses me off.

Now there are many layers of bad. My universe of movie ratings is a circular one. This means there is a possibility that a movie can in fact become so bad that it becomes good again. A classic example of this is the Transporter. But movies can be so bad they are bad again, each time they swing back down in to the bad zone they increase in badness exponentially. Sometimes this can make you angry. However anger levels are not always dependent upon the bad scale. An Inconvenient Truth makes me about 100x angrier than say Female Perversions (a #2 for another day) a movie that is about 1000 times worse. Angering movies get your blood boiling where you are indiscriminately angry at the filmmaker for wasting your time for the past two and a half hours. Angering films might be well made in some sense, but something about them just pisses the living crap out of you. Angering films make you wake up 2 days later in a pool of some random hobos blood.

5.Star Wars I: The Phantom Menace

Ok if the last 30 minutes of this are on I will watch it because the light saber battle between Darth Maul and Obi Wan is pretty fucking cool. But There are so many things that piss me off about this movie.

Why is it based around the most annoying child actor ever? Why is he teamed up with the most annoying CGI character ever created? Why do you have to explain the force, a metaphysical phenomena that had so many nerds believed in, with metachlorins a fact which is never really jived with the entirety of the first trilogy which allegedly happened in the future? Why did Lucas think it was a good idea to have a 19 year old Amidala fall in love with and 8 year old? Take his children away! Seriously. If he doesn’t see the problem with this there is something pedopheliacly wrong.

4. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2

This is one of the examples of the bad movie vs anger inducing movie dichotomy crossing.

The Blair Witch Project was a movie that you either hated or loved. There was no middle ground. I was entranced by it, captured by the entire eerie children laughing, bizarre happenings, and swept up by the new use of side media/internet marketing. The backstory was pretty gripping….

Then I heard the writers had just been signed on to do two more films. How the hell would they keep this up for 2 more movies? Still I got suckered in to seeing this piece of crap. This movie tried to have a great twist ending like Shamalan. But where as Shamalan lets his twist reveal itself by not showing things and then coming as a revelation, this movie has the twist of telling us that everything you watched over the last hour and a half was a lie. One of the biggest middle fingers you could possibly give the audience.

3 .The Idiots-

Lars Von Trier, I’m at loss for words… and not in the good way. My roommate made me watch this movie in college (probably should have been the other way around since I was the film major and he was majoring in music or philosophy) because he was into the whole Dogma 95 thing. Even he hated it.

I’m struggling to recall exactly why I hated it so much, because I have blacked it out of my mind and fear that reopening it will cause me to do many bad things to many different people. There are just blurbs of people defecating and acting like jackasses to make everyone else feel awkward. I’m grinding my teeth right now just thinking of it.

2. The Happening-

I’d put spoiler alert but there’s nothing to spoil. There is no twist ending. It’s the fucking trees. I just saved you 10 bucks.

Now you might say, “Raptor this movie just came out, shouldn’t you wait and have some perspective?” The answer is resolutely no. I’ve waited a week to vent this movie. This movie was a massive disappointment in everyway. Trees killing humans? Why doesn’t anyone put on gas masks? That Army guy in the Humvee doesn’t have a chemical warfare kit?

I’ve been a fan of Shamaladingong for a while. His writing is often flawed, but you know what he does do a good job of creating suspense out of next to nothing. You can definitely pick his style out of a line up. With the exception of lady in the water if any of his movies come on ye olde boob tube come on I will sit there and watch them. But the happening is a bastion of failure. Trees killing people? Not scary. Even more maddening was the affair baited in front of us that turned out to be Zoey Daschenel eating dessert with a coworker. This movie could have been saved with a twist ending. Scratch that/ this movie demanded a twist ending. If it turned out to be an attack by the fucking water fearing aliens from Signs it would have been ok. There was no resolution, the happening just stopped happening. This is the blue balls of the movie going experience.

MNS you need to find youself a good screenwriter.

1. An Inconvenient Truth, Farenheit 911, Bowling for Columbine, Expelled, and any of the craptitude of other propaganda films masquerading as documentary films out there.

There is nothing that pisses me off more than people telling me how to think and thinking they are clever in there presentation. Every year we seem to get bombarded by one or two of these things and they just absolutely fill me with piss and vinegar. The debate is not settled. On the global scale, 2000 scientists does not a consensus make. And when did science become a fucking democracy?

Now I may have issue with some of the things this administration has done. I may think there are ways we could be more environmental. But these films show that both sides of the argument manipulate the data to their own advantage.

You know who else told people how to think? Goebbels, Hitler, and O’ Reilly. Do you really want to be in that group?