McBane here. The one-two combo of computer connectivity issues and real-life obligations (Madden’s release day not least among them) have recently hampered our collective ability to post irrelevant tripe.
Should we consider these mitigating factors to be (as most people would) subtle cues from the universe to go out and ply our wares in the world, seeking at least some hint of meaningful purpose?
Luckily, no. We are, after all, made of tougher stuff than that.
Today’s list in fact may help you to be more like us; you, of all people, must admit that sometimes the urge strikes you to go on the internet and accomplish absolutely nothing…interactively.
But how best to give in to these urges?
Just leave it to the experts. I’ve got you covered.
5) Subservient Chicken
Kind of a spooky webcam thing going on here. This Burger King chicken is responsive to your commands, and knows just enough to make you keep checking to see what else he knows. Some of my favorite commands I’ve tried that work include THROW A TOUCHDOWN, FREAK OUT, MEDITATE, PLAY AIR GUITAR, SHOOT A THREE, MOONWALK, and DO KARATE.
However, the chicken appears unable to TRAVEL THROUGH TIME.
4) Interactive Electoral Map
This is dangerously close to educational, but really it has no practical effect on your life unless you’re working for a presidential campaign. Go back and see how close we were to never having George W. Bush be president! Try to create ties in the electoral college and create a constitutional crisis! It’s frighteningly easier than you might think! Wheeeeee!
3) Falling Sand
Strangely addictive. There is an absolutely perfect song for it, linked here, which must be constantly played on a loop while playing the game; if this song/app combo doesn’t send Raptor into a coma, then I don’t know anything.
2) Bally Shot
Fire at basketballs. Point and click. Beat your score. Great mascot. Time wasted.
1) Ridiculous Hypotheticals
How better could you waste the day at the work talking online with your friends? (Just a reminder: remember all those starving children in Gambia and you'll enjoy your irrelevance even more. Getting paid to do nothing and enjoy air-conditioning? You're living the dream, gentle reader!)
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