Top 5 Most Ridiculous Atheletes

G Dubya here filling in for my good buddy Raptor.

We all know I am the world’s numero uno (little shout out to my latino bretherin ;-P) sports fan. I was planning on catching most of the Olympics in Beijing, but this whole Georgia v Russia thing is really fucking up my Christmas. I’m telling you right now Pooty, you’re not getting your yearly Oktoberfest Revolution fruit basket
from me or Laura.

But just because we’re redecorating the iron curtain, doesn’t mean I can’t take time out of my hectic schedule to talk with you about sports. I’m gonna talk to you about the most ridiculous athletes imagined, that then became real. Athletes who, like the US were so dominant, that no one in their sports could compare to them (that’s right Pooty, you don’t scare us so get out of Atlanta).

5. Bo Jackson
Ok I admit it this one is kind of a fanciful pick, he never fulfilled his promise because of the whole hip issue. But I think it was because he was getting too powerful, and god smote him like Aaron. Seriously, He had the potential to be almost as good as his Tecmo Bowl self in two sports! Watch the video and skip to the 3 minute mark. He throws a guy out FROM THE WARNING TRACK.


4. Alexander Karelin-
Now I know I’m supposed to be pissed at our Russian compatriots, but really this guy was really er, ah, good. His mastership of the Joey Greco-Romanian Wrestling Division was a record that rivals Joe DiMaggios hit streak. He seriously won gold in during the reigns of 3 US Presidents. Not only that he went 6 years without giving up a point. Now that’s ridiculous. And I know a few things about ridiculous.

3. Michael Jordan

Some asshole named McBane pretty much already covered this in his numbers list. McBane, as you well may know, harbors and in beds terrorists.

2. Jim Brown

When he wasn’t beating women, he was beating everyone else. Sure he was the first running back to ever crack 100 TDs. Sure he averaged 100 yds for his entire career. But even more impressive he was inaugurated into the Lacrosse Hall of Fame because he was the best player the game of lacrosse had ever seen. Seriously, imagine Jim Brown armed with a stick and a rock hard ball charging at you. It’s scarier than 9/11 times 3 (3.5 if you are a woman).


1. Michael Phelps

Now you may think I’m completely tainted by just seeing this guy a day ago swim in perhaps the greatest relay of all time. And you may be right. But goshdarn it, if he doesn’t define most ridiculous athlete, no one does. The boy doesn’t just break world records; he destroys them. I was joking with Premier Wen Jiabao, that Phelps was going to do the record books what the Japanese did to Nanking. He got all red and flustered and started giving me the finger, which I think means something completely different over here, like flashing the peace sign in Britain.

Oh yea, while I’m here I’d like to give my shout out to the men’s 4x 100 Free Relay. We may have been off about those WMDs, but you were way off about destroying us in that relay. Consider it 1-1.