Top 5 Man Movies That Are Actually Chick Flicks

Raptor here, praying at the alter of awesome to Michael Bay.

Men of America, there is a conspiracy in liberal media that’s going to turn us all into Nancy boys! The signs are everywhere people. Haven’t you been shopping and noticed the women’s apparel section of Walmart slowly but steadily engulfing the men’s section? Or that the Express for Men store keeps losing racks to the Express? It’s only a matter of 3 to 5 years before they have us all in capris and cardigans, talking about (gasp) our feelings.

And that’s just the start. It’s in Hollywood too. Don’t be distracted by the bright lights and explosions, fellas. America loves homogenization and after they failed in there attempts to make women into men with the buddy/outlaw film Thelma and Louis, they have set there eyes on you.

(The saddest part? These are all pretty goddamn good movies)

5. Gross Pointe Blank-

While I was etching out this list I was having problems coming up with an example of a male romantic comedy. Then I remembered the comic stylings of perhaps my favorite actor, John Cusack. Most romantic comedies make the male the lead character. It makes sense that way, women like to be the pursued. But GPB sneaks up on you by making the love interest almost ancillary to the entire plot, then somehow trick us into emotional growth. The moment when Martin Blank holds a baby and comes to some sort of epiphany about life is pretty goshdarn moving.

Plus they spice it up with tons of guys stuff:, hitmen, gunfights, and explosions.

The Chick Chick Flick Equivalent: 10 things I Hate About You

4. Saving Private Ryan-

Sure, it’s an epic World War II movie. Sure it’s got man movie stars like Matt Damon, Barry Pepper, and Vin Diesel. But they really go for the emotional jugular by killing off Tom Hanks to save Matt Damon who was only in the movie for maybe like 20 minutes. That in itself doesn’t necessarily cement it as a Man Chick Flick. The wrap around story of old remorseful Matt Damon visiting graves at Normandy does.

It’s really our generations All’s Quiet On The Western Front.

The Chick Chick Flick Equivalent: Titanic

3. Big Fish

This one is pretty damn blatant. It’s a man who’s exploring his relationship with his father. It’s easy to forget this because you are probably distracted by all the campy, but still somehow awesome Tim Burton visuals. But if you don’t mist a little when he takes his dying father to the river you probably didn’t cry when Old Yeller died. And if you didn’t do that you’re a heartless son of a bitch.

The Chick Chick Flick Equivalent: Fried Green Tomatoes

2. Shawshank Redemption-

Again, this movie does little to hide it’s Male Chick Flick agenda. Hell it’s right in the title with the word Redemption. Poor Andy Dufresne can’t catch a break. His wife cheats on him. He gets wrongly accused of killing her and her lover. He gets ass raped in the laundry room. What gets him through such hard times?
Friendship and perserverence.


The Chick Chick Flick Equivalent: Hope Floats


1. Top Gun-

This is probably the most covert of all the other titles. First of all, it’s produced by Michael Bay. Then there’s the dog fighting scenes and the epic guitar solos. And let’s not forget there’s boobs. Almost all the keys to a perfect man movie.

So what makes it a Chick Flick? So many things. There’s the fighter pilot with daddy issues (Maverick). There’s the endearing friend Goose who’s lost to a tragic accident. There’s the emotional fall out of the accident where Mav has to regain his confidence and shuts out the world emotionally. Or how about the B plot, where two cynical hearts learn to love in a forbidden romance.

The Chick Chick Flick Equivalent: Beaches meets Wild Hearts Can’t Be Broken