Raptor here, burning bras and fighting the man.
Ladies, I recognize it’s hard being a woman. I wouldn’t want to do it. Besides bleeding out dead ova every month, there are a plethora of reasons why it sucks to be you. Allow me to enumerate.
5. If they make a sitcom about you and you’re unattractive, your counterpart will be equally if not more unattractive than you.
This one just isn’t fair. Let me speak to you in your language.
Fatty guys who are funny get Stacey Carosi a girl it took the coolest guy alive, Zack Morris, an entire summer to get with!
Ladies, I recognize it’s hard being a woman. I wouldn’t want to do it. Besides bleeding out dead ova every month, there are a plethora of reasons why it sucks to be you. Allow me to enumerate.
5. If they make a sitcom about you and you’re unattractive, your counterpart will be equally if not more unattractive than you.
This one just isn’t fair. Let me speak to you in your language.
Fatty guys who are funny get Stacey Carosi a girl it took the coolest guy alive, Zack Morris, an entire summer to get with!
Fatty Chicks who somehow get there own show get Dan Conner, who never went to 'Nam.
4.You have to read Cosmo every month and pretend it’s a new issue.
Were you aware that pink is the new black. Then, strangely, orange is the new black the next month instead of the new pink. I got bad news for you. In the words of Los Bravos, black is black.
Uh Oh! Autumn is coming. Time for Cosmo to inform you to buy sweaters!
Also amazing to me: that that they keep up with the Cosmo Sutra with the same 3 positions recycled over and over again under different names. Let me save you 4.99: there’s the one where you get up on top while your partner sits Indian style, some variation of doggy style, and reverse cowgirl.
3. The shoes are retarded.
Seriously. I have walked a mile in your shoes… and then some ( I was Smurfette one fateful Halloween). You guys need to learn this thing called function over form. Sure your 23 inch heels might make you feel sexy when you go to a wedding, but they lead to blisters, bleeding, sprained ankles, and worst of all tearing of the brides dress when you step on it on the dance floor. Plus you’re not impressing the men folk. If a man comments on your shoes he’s a) gay or b)really gay. And all you lesbians out there, same goes for you. My point is someone commenting on your shoes probably likes the cock 98% of the time.
Also amazing to me: that that they keep up with the Cosmo Sutra with the same 3 positions recycled over and over again under different names. Let me save you 4.99: there’s the one where you get up on top while your partner sits Indian style, some variation of doggy style, and reverse cowgirl.
3. The shoes are retarded.
Seriously. I have walked a mile in your shoes… and then some ( I was Smurfette one fateful Halloween). You guys need to learn this thing called function over form. Sure your 23 inch heels might make you feel sexy when you go to a wedding, but they lead to blisters, bleeding, sprained ankles, and worst of all tearing of the brides dress when you step on it on the dance floor. Plus you’re not impressing the men folk. If a man comments on your shoes he’s a) gay or b)really gay. And all you lesbians out there, same goes for you. My point is someone commenting on your shoes probably likes the cock 98% of the time.
If you are going to wear these, I revoke all rights to bitch how uncomfortable you are.
2. The Shower Curtain Hangers are Also Retarded
Ok. These things right here
See Them?
They will come off of the curtain rod every time. I mean everytime. So don’t bitch at me when there’s spillage during my shower.
1. You go to these women for fashion/moral advice
You women eat this show up. I can’t decide which part is worse, the fact that you take fashion tips from Carrie who looks like she got kicked off the short bus for looking too …um, special, or the horrible life lessons it eschews.
I mean it’s one thing if you watched and took something away some wisdom about life and some of the baser truths it espouses (i.e. You know that guy who keeps cheating on you, but you think he can change if you keep nagging at him? He’s a cheater and he’s not going to change. ) But you don’t seem to learn from it, in fact you revel in it and spend most of your time trying to decide if you’re a Carrie or a Miranda! (And I am not a Miranda goddamn it! Stop trying to put that label on me!)
2. The Shower Curtain Hangers are Also Retarded
Ok. These things right here
See Them?
They will come off of the curtain rod every time. I mean everytime. So don’t bitch at me when there’s spillage during my shower.
1. You go to these women for fashion/moral advice
You women eat this show up. I can’t decide which part is worse, the fact that you take fashion tips from Carrie who looks like she got kicked off the short bus for looking too …um, special, or the horrible life lessons it eschews.
I mean it’s one thing if you watched and took something away some wisdom about life and some of the baser truths it espouses (i.e. You know that guy who keeps cheating on you, but you think he can change if you keep nagging at him? He’s a cheater and he’s not going to change. ) But you don’t seem to learn from it, in fact you revel in it and spend most of your time trying to decide if you’re a Carrie or a Miranda! (And I am not a Miranda goddamn it! Stop trying to put that label on me!)
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment